Witches of the Elements

[Darktrue]

(4 ordinary teens discover they are witches with abnormal and elemental abilities. They are the reincarnation of the ancient Elemental Warriors and together, they must fight for their lives and save their princess from the evil Enchantress and her Illuminati guild. If the Enchantress succeeds, she will unleash an evil of sentient destructive force dedicated to causing complete devastation and chaos on a planetary scale. “Save the princess…save the world…unleash your Craft!”)

Season 1: W.O.T.E

Book 1: Water

Episode 1: Storm

Angela Summers suddenly stopped walking, looking up at the star lit sky being overtaken by dark clouds that hung low. Night fell quickly as she sensed rain approaching, the air smelling so fresh and clean as a rain drop touched her caramel skin. Angela didn’t notice the streets becoming quieter and the sudden time shift. She felt completely drawn to the rain as the light shower came pouring down like a waterfall. She closed her eyes, letting the cold drops of water surround her with the feeling of freedom and escape.

A sudden stomp in a puddle caused the water to rise up and splash back down, snapping Angela out of her little trance. She turned seeing no one yet. The echoing of footsteps kept getting closer and closer towards her. Angela’s heart started to beat faster, noticing that she was the only one out as most of the townsfolk were safe in their homes. She turned back and continued walking, paying the footsteps no mind. The sound of the footsteps followed her with every twist and turn she made on the sidewalk. She turned around, but saw nothing and started to panic, running to her destination.

Each step caused her to breath heavier. No help was in sight; even the stray animals found shelter from the storm. She looked back, but that made her fall on the cold wet ground. She started to crawl backwards unable to pinpoint the echo. Without warning, a sudden scream from a girl let out of a nearby alley. She slowly got up trying to decide whether to go towards the scream or continue running. It happened again, this time the girl sounded desperate.

She went toward the alleyway, inching herself forward, trying to slow her heart beat. She saw a girl her age being backed up against a wall by a man in a brown trench coat and a brown hat that covered his face. There was something about that guy that gave Angela a bad feeling, and told her not to interfere. Angela covered her ears as the girl let out a huge scream so powerful; she thought her ears were going to bleed. The scream was inhumane as it suddenly stopped without warning.

Angela let go of her ears, seeing the guy’s right hand raise itself up in front of the girl. His black gloved hand started to tighten slowly as the girl grabbed her chest, gasping for air. Angela’s blue eyes widened in disbelief as a crystal of grey light shined from the girl’s body. The girl slowly turned her head, eyeing Angela and in desperation said,

“Run…” The guy shut his hand tight, crushing the crystal, causing it to shatter into tiny pieces as the girl collapsed on the muddy ground dead, but still eyeing Angela as her last words echoed around her. The guy lowered his hand and slowly turned his head, seeing Angela for the first time. His hat cast a shadow over his face, but his eyes widened, seeing something very special in Angela. He turned his body, stomping on a puddle that caused Angela to react and waved her hands while moving back. The aura he was giving away could make a grown man pee in his pants.

He approached her with such grace, but the movement of her hands caused water to rise up in front of Angela and back down on top of the guy, splashing all over him. That was Angela’s special gift. She could move objects not with her mind, but with her hands. She had this ability since she could remember, but only recently it seemed to have gotten stronger. She freaked out at what she just saw and so she jetted away from him.

She ran as fast as she could without looking back. The footsteps she heard earlier started to fade with each deep inhale she took. She was so close to her house, but a dark figure appeared out of nowhere in front of her. She couldn’t stop as she slammed into him, but he was so muscular than she was and she was so tired that she knocked herself down. The impact made her hit the wet ground and caused her to pass out. The dark figure grabbed her and took her way.

Angela woke up to what felt like a couch back from the late 70’s. Her vision was a little fuzzy, but she jumped up and looked around seeing that she was home.

“About time sis,” said a familiar voice on the side of her.

“What happened…how I get here?” asked Angela, rubbing her eyes.

“A big blue guy in tights brought you here.”

“Really?” she asked.

“No, who you think?” he asked.

“Grrrrreat…do I have to?” she asked.

“C’mon, say it…”

“Thanks….Zachariah,” she said to spite him.

“Oh-dammed, would you stop saying my full name, its Zac now.” That was Angela’s older brother Zachariah Summers. He might be the oldest, but sure doesn’t act like it. He has some wild fiery red hair, hazel eyes, and a muscular body.

“Yeah—whatever,” said Angela as she got up. “I’m going to dry off and get ready for bed.”

“Wait,” he said stopping her. “What were you doing out there? Seemed like you were running from someone or something?” he asked. A flashback to what had happened entered her mind, but she willed it way.

“Nothing…it was raining really hard and, I didn’t want my hair to get wet.”

“Okay, that’s a lie. Since when you run away from it, you love the water?” he asked.
“Yeah and you need to drop it, Zachariah!” she gloated, running up the stairs.

“Ahahah,” he yelled and went after her. She went to her room and closed the door. Zac wanted to bang on it so bad, but couldn’t because of his sleeping parents. She went to her bathroom and got a good look at herself. She was soaked and wet, her hair was messed up and makeup smeared all over the place, she looked like a mess. She closed her eyes and when she opened them, she was dry. She looked down and saw the water that was on her, levitating in her sink. She tilted her head and the water started to go down the drain. She had one too many freaky events happening to her in one day. She played it off as if she saw nothing and cut the bathroom lights off. She took her clothes off and put her pajamas on and crawled in her queen size bed. Later on that night she went into a deep sleep as her body started to pulsate. A blue crystal glowed throughout her body, lighting house up like a light house.

Deep within another dimension called the Aurora Galaxy, lays a hazed demented planet called Nadir. Ruling this planet and sitting on her thrown was the enchantress known as Kibosh, an entity created by abnormal activity. She was wearing a dark purple wavy dress with a rob around it and her waist, a sleeveless purple top with a dark blue gem around her neck. Her skin color was a pale purple or ghostly purple, two wrist bands, one arm band on left arm and one tattoo on the right arm. She had lavender hair and lilac eyes, her fist kept her head up as she waited for her messenger to report.

“Mi Enchantress…” Her eyes flashed open, moving upward to see the face of her messenger.

“Another element has been destroyed. They are killing them all.”

“Is that all,” she asked.

“Well, we did pick up some abnormal activity. An element we have never seen before.” Kibosh’s eyes narrowed down as she knew what it was because she too has felt its power.

“So…the Elemental Warriors still live,” she said.

“Impossible, they’re dead—aren’t they?” asked the messenger.

“Dead yes, but reincarnated maybe…send the Hounds of the Hollow, I want them found before they do,” she ordered.

“As you wish my liege.” As soon as the messenger vanished, Kibosh stood up and walked over to her mirror of thoughts. She waved her hand and the refection of a figure sitting appeared.

“…Kibosh, my, my, my what do I owe this pleasure,” said the image.

“Cut the sarcasm, we have a big situation,” said Kibosh.

“Which would be?” he asked.

“The Elemental Warriors are alive and well.”

“You’re joking right?” he asked.

“Looks like your little bondage failed, or at least failed to suppress them” she said.

“Look at this as a good thing, with there elemental power, our lord will be resurrected in no time. Just make sure you get their Crystal Hearts…fail and trust me, someone will take your place,” he informed as the image dissolved away. She clenched her fist tight and said, “Threaten me huh, my mission is just beginning however, yours will end soon, quick, and painless once I have all four crystals hearts, muaahahahaha!”

[Darktrue]

Ideas came from the cartoon show W.I.T.C.H.

[Purple Mongoose]

"Save the princess…save the world…"

I think you should change this part, it sounds too much like Heroes

[Darktrue]

courtn said:

"Save the princess…save the world…"

I think you should change this part, it sounds too much like Heroes

True, but I'm not publishing this so it's okay. And you forgot the other part that goes along with it too =P

[Darktrue]

Episode 2: Forthcoming

“Miss. SUMMERS!” yelled the chemistry teacher, trying to get Angela’s attention. Angela eyes flashed opened looking around the classroom. “Shoot me now!” she thought.

“Miss. Summers…am I boring you?” asked Mr. Slithers.

“You—who would want to daydream in your class?” she asked, trying to play it off. “I was um…resting my eyes. You know, math test can be so murder.”

“Well then, you won’t mind resting your eyes after school for detention then?” he asked.

“What! You’re being totally unfair about this.”

“Next time, try to stay…totally awake.” Mr. Slithers was the meanest chemistry teacher ever to walk this planet. He teaches at a college level and the only thing worse than that would be his evil personality.

“Now back to the lecture before I was rudely interrupted,” he said as Angela gave him a perky fake smile. “The four elements…Earth, Fire, Wind, and Water, separated they are at there weakest, but together they can equal something more. One element is needed to douse another for example…some parts of earth can float on water, fire can burn some parts of earth, and water can put out fire.”

“Yawn—,” she thought. Angela moved her long hair around thinking about what had happened to her this morning. She looked in the bathroom mirror and saw her long black hair was now blue as the ocean. She first thought Zac dyed it last night as payback for shutting the door in his face, but he kept denying it. She had no time to fix it so she came to school looking like a freak from the black lagoon. She’s doing her best not to let it affect her, trying to work it.

She looked up at the clock and back down at Mr. Slithers, still yapping away. He stood under the emergency water shower which was there just in case your hair catches on fire or you get a chemical in your eye you can wash it out. This gave Angela the perfect idea as she looked around to see who was looking. Everyone was in lala-land which gave her the perfect distraction. She slide down in her chair a little which caught the attention of a classmate sitting in the back as Angela lift up her hand and pulled her trigger finger causing the latch to pop off. Huge amounts of water came gushing down on top of Mr. Slither’s head which woke everybody up, yelling “Ohhhhh!” Angela busted out laughing, watching the teacher go berserk over looking for a towel. Everyone got up and headed for the door once the bell rang to give the janitor some room to clean up.

Angela headed for her locker and was reaching for her lock when someone tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around seeing a beautiful blonde haired girl with green eyes and a body of an athlete.

“Hey, you’re in my chem class right?” asked the girl.

“Umm—yeah,” answered Angela, who hardly paid attention in the class, let alone who’s in it.

“That was hilarious watching Mr. Slithers get all wet like that, he had it comin’. Wonder how that latch just snapped like that all of a sudden? I’m Trista by the way.”

“Yeah…bizarre, I’m Angela,” she said, trying to change the conversation. Both of them shook hands, but when they touch, their bodies pulsated with spiritual energy.

“Whoa…” both said.

“Did you get…?”

“A strange feeling,” answered Angela.

“We met before?” asked Trista.

“In another lifetime?” asked Angela. Both of them shook the feeling off and just laughed up it, must have been a draft somewhere.

“Well I have to get ready for my detention,” said Angela with a sour face.

“Ouch, good luck with that,” said Trista, walking into the crowed hallway.

Outside the school up above, a person hovered, waiting for her orders. She had black hair with a spiked band, soulless eyes, chest plated armor, black pants, and black boots. She watched as her black crystal lifted itself up out of her right hand and began spinning. It was spinning so fast it looked like a black orb. Suddenly, the center of the crystal started to glow an illuminating color as it stopped, pointing at the school.

“I found one of them Enchantress,” said the hovering girl.

“Excellent Nashira, now release the hounds,” ordered Kibosh. Nashira levitated the black crystal in both hands, this time and it started to rapidly spin again.

Back in La’nanita High, Angela slid her head in-between the doorway and called out Mr. Slithers’ name, but no answer. She stepped back and looked around, noticing that no one was in the hallway. Even if the school was over there has always been at least a couple people still here at work doing something. “Hello!” she yelled as her voice traveled. She left the lab and started heading down, looking to see if anyone still remained in the building. Angela started to slow down her walking, noticing the school becoming really creepy when alone. She rubbed her arms as a shiver ran down her spin all of a sudden. She stopped and turned, seeing no on, but when she turned back around she bumped into Trista.

“Hey, what is going on? No one is in the building, I thought I was the only one here,” she explained. Before Angela could get a word out, all of the classroom’s doors started to shut close all by themselves with a mighty slam that rattled the lockers.

“Okay, that’s some freaky shiz-nit right there,” said Trista.

“Ya think,” said Angela being sarcastic. The wind started to pick up a little as Angela nod and moved her head a little, wondering where that breeze was coming from as it swirled around, becoming attracted to Trista, allowing her hair dance like a wildfire.

“…forthcoming,” said Trista.

“What?” asked Angela.

“Beware of the forthcoming,” whispered Trista. Angela eyes widen as she corrected Trista, “forthcoming…more like incoming.” Two huge ferocious beasts came crashing inside the school, shattering two windows as they roared out. Hounds of the Hollow were faded green colored big eared beast with dark spots, icy blue eyes that glow, huge claws and teeth dripping with blood.

“What the hell are those things?” asked Trista backing up.

“Girl I so was going asks you the same thing,” said Angela backing up too. The hounds let out a huge roar that caused some lockers to open and for Thrista and Angela to cross their arms to protect themselves from the blast. They ran for it, ducking every corner and turning every turn. They each crisscrossed over; trying to open a classroom door, but every door they touched was locked. One of the hounds while turning the corner jumped on the side of the row of lockers and started running sideways. Outside, Nashira narrowed her eyes as a different illuminating color appeared right next to the first one. “Two of them?” she said.

“Ahhhh!” they screamed, running into a hallway that is split into two.

“We really shouldn’t separate?” implied Angela.

“You go, I’ll catch up,” said Trista.

“What? No way,” said Angela, but Trista made up her mind and pushed Angela to get going. Angela just nodded and took the right hallway as Trista turned around to face the hounds which caused her eyes to flash and take on a catlike appearance. “This is how we big gals play,” she said as her tone of voice changed, letting out a loud animalistic roar. Angela stopped, hearing the noise and ran back realizing she couldn’t just leave Trista behind. When she got back to the scene, she slipped and fell onto the floor that was covered in blood. “Ahhh!” she screamed sliding back and forth, trying to get her footing. The hounds were mutilated, cut up inside and out like it was nothing. Angela looked over to her side to see a pair of broken double doors open as she continued onward to get out of this hellish school.

[Nocis Deae]

DT, how come you don't want to get it published? Also, would you want a critique on it? If you answer yes to this, I could give you one and there's also a really good site that I recently joined that helps people become better writers.

[Darktrue]

nocisdea said:

DT, how come you don't want to get it published? Also, would you want a critique on it? If you answer yes to this, I could give you one and there's also a really good site that I recently joined that helps people become better writers.

Ummm I don't want to get it publish because I really can't. Do to the fact that I'm taking stuff from other sources so that's number 1. Number 2, the whole story isn't closely related to the cartoon show W.I.T.C.H. but it is related to it in some way. So I'm just having fun with it and making it my own in a way. Ummm sure, critique and site would be kool.

[Darktrue]

Episode 3: Leonn'e

Angela walked home as dark clouds covered the sun. She was all soaked and wet covered in blood from two scary dog things. She began to hear the echoing of footsteps again and just couldn’t take it anymore. She turned around with such force screaming out, “SHOW YOUR SELF DAMMED! STOP FOLLOWING ME!” Angela became pissed of the fact she received no answer, so out of rage she waved one hand causing trashcans and papers to fall down and blow all over the place. She waved her other hand moving the trash around like it was nothing. Hands came together making a clap noise as a guy stepped out of the shadows clapping saying, “Very impressive young one.”

“And who the hell is you?” asked Angela, keeping her guard up.

“I’m a simple person who has been searching for a very long time for you,” he said.

“Okay, that sounded so perverted in so many levels you cannot comprehend right now,” she snapped.

“Let me start over. I’m Mik'ky’ella Leonn'e…but you may call me Leon. I am a Guideian, not to be confused with guardian…”

“I’m sorry, I must have left my book of who’s whom…what’s a guideian? Is that even a word?”

“My, you are the sarcastic one aren’t you? A guideian helps guide gifted beings and help them learn the power of the Craft,” he explained.

“The Craft?”

“Angela—you are a witch.”

“Alright then. Well nice meeting you, unlike you I’m talking to a stranger and covered in blood so laters,” she said and turned around only to find Leon somehow standing right in front of her.

“How…how did you—”

“Magic,” he answered. “Angela Summers, you have the ability to move objects with your hands, which is because you have Wiccan blood flowing in you just like the others.”

“Others…wait, they’re people out there like me?” she asked feeling not alone anymore.

“Oh yes…three of them to be exact. You however, posses the power to create and summon water the element itself. That is why I came to you in person. I need to explain more of you guys destiny when all four of you are together” Angela turned around again only to see Leon standing in front. “You must help me find them.”

“Sorry dude, but I don’t believe it and if I don’t believe it then I don’t believe you,” said Angela. He looked at her with calm warm eyes and whispered in her ear that caused an echo, “You will soon believe for remember these words young one—A.T.R.I…” As the echo faded she blinked and saw that he was gone. She pushed back her hair remembering the blood and headed home, passing a familiar shadow with a hat covering the face.


Episode 4: Going Under

Angela crept inside her house seeing no one in sight while going upstairs straight for her bathroom. She turned the bathwater on and began to undress. She shut the water off and tested it first before stepping in. Angela eased herself into the warm water as it melted all her fears and the blood away. She became relaxed as her muscles tensed less and less. She started to think of what Leonne or Leon said not too long ago. Angela felt happy knowing that she wasn’t the only person with an unexplained ability out there, but couldn’t bypass the fact that it’s because she’s a witch. Black cat holding, pointy hat wearing, spell casting, broom riding witch. Still in thought, she started to wash the blood completely off of her, lifting her right leg up out of the water as the liquid came running down it. Her leg went back down as the water started to turn red. Angela’s thoughts started to become jumbled as her body was too relaxed in the water. Her eyes felt heavy unable to stay awake to find the strength to get out of the bloody water. She rested her head back which caused her to close her eyes. The water itself started to pull Angela under, drowning her. Angela was going under when she finally realized that she was underwater and started to panic, splashing water all around. Angela couldn’t get herself to lift her head up for air. She started to gasp, inhaling water, passing out. She floated there, dead and lifeless until her eyes fluttered open.

[Purple Mongoose]

darktrue said:

And you forgot the other part that goes along with it too =P

I've only seen the first few episodes of Heroes so I don't know what the other part is

[Darktrue]

courtn said:

darktrue said:

And you forgot the other part that goes along with it too =P

I've only seen the first few episodes of Heroes so I don't know what the other part is

Noooo silly, I mean the other part in my description =P. "Save the Princess...Save the word...Unleash you craft."

[Darktrue]

Episode 5: Dreaming is Believing

Angela moved around seeing that she wasn’t in the tub or bathroom anymore. She was swimming in what looked like to be a hugelake as strange fishes swam around her. This freeing feeling of rain touching her smooth skin came rushing back again as her bluehair danced in the cool lake water.

She ducked down as a fish bigger than a whale swam over her. Angela swam up, realizing she’s breathing underwater. Her head and arms reached the top as she gasped. She swam around seeing a world unlike her own.

Shelooked up at the sky seeing two Suns. One was like Earth’s which brighten the planet and the other one was blue which gave the sky its color. She turned around hearing a beautiful young girl’s voice. The first sun beamed in Angela’s face so she couldn’t get too good of a look at the child, but the girl came out of the forest running for her life as a demonic figure emerged from the forest as well.

The figure held a staff and on top was a huge crescent moon lying on its side, a smaller crescent moon same way, but inside the bigger one, and a purple glowing orb in the center. Angela couldn’t make out figure or the child, but notice the girl had a long ponytail with a gem crystal wrapped around it, dangling at the bottom, touching the lower end of her back. The girl headed for the shore, light on feet.

Angela shouted out, trying to get the girl’s attention, but no sound came out her mouth as she touched her throat. Angela was astonished to see the girl headed for the lake and stepped on the water. Her feet didn’t sink as she was running on top of the water itself. The girl was half across when she turned her head towards Angela’s direction and said,

“Hear my cry…find my Elemental Warriors, help me please…save me and save the world…,” but the girl was cut off as the demonic figure held the staff in both hands and thrust it forward unleashing what looked light black lightning. The lightning zoomed towards the girl and she screamed for her life.

The girl hugged herself as the black lightning mixed with her powers causing a huge chrysalis type crystal to surround her and trap her in imprisonment. The girl’s voiced echoed, “Find, find, SAVE!” which caused Angela gasp up or air, breathing heavily, seeing that she was back in the tub in her bathroom.

She notice the tub was empty and looked up seeing the tub water hovering above her as it came crashing down, soaking the whole bathroom floor. The water wasn’t blood red anymore, but clear blue as the ocean; once Angela moved the wet hair out of her face. “Okay d@mn…I believe!” she yelled.



Episode 6: Wishcraft

Angela got up out of the tub and wrapped a blue towel around her. She looked at the wet floor and came up with an idea and said, “Alright—no biggy…I mean I’m a witch, I can do this.” She closed her eyes, trying to summon up that freeing feeling because to her, it is the source to tap into her elemental power. She opened up her eyes and slowly lifted up her hands that caused the water to rise up off the floor. “So totally wicked,” she said as she pushed the water back into the tub. “Okay ummm…a spell,” she thought as she walked over to the tub. “This is lame, this is crap, show me the next warrior before I…umm snap?” she asked, casting her fist spell, but nothing happened. She felt so dumb talking to water, but felt even more irritated that nothing was happening as she wished in her head causing an echo sound that said, “SHOW ME!!!” The water exploded up and came splashing back down as an image appeared. The image showed diet coke being chugged by a girl. She placed the glass down as Angela realized she was seeing through the diet coke’s eyes because it is a liquid. The girl seemed to be at some party or club, but the image faded as Angela heard a noise out in the hallway. She went out of the bathroom and opened her door seeing her brother heading down the stairs.

“I didn’t hear you come in,” she said.

“I’ve been here, just had the headphones on,” he answered.

“Where you going looking all fly and stuff,” she asked. Zac had on a butterscotch jacket, white T-shirt, blue jeans, and butterscotch Timberland boots that looked great with his caramel skin. His red hair was all styled up with spikes.

“Not that its any of your business, but I’m going out to that new club that opened up not too long ago…umm The Biohazard,” he explained. “A nightclub?” she thought, for this couldn’t be coincidental, a sign maybe? “Wait up, I’m coming too,” she said and closed the door.

“Aw hell,” complained Zac, continuing down the stairs and flopped down on the couch, waiting for Angela.

[Darktrue]

Episode 7: The Biohazard

Angela was walking down the street with her brother, she looked hot as hell. She had her blue hair all wrapped up nicely as string curls dangled down and blue eye shadow matching her eyes. She had on an all black corset top, strings crisscrossing down the middle, necklaces on her hips as a belt, black leather pants with square patches that exposed some skin, and black boots. She put a pentagram around her neck that caused Zac to snap.

“Okay I can’t take it anymore. I swear you look h00ker.”

“And you’re just jealous that I’m the hot one in the family,” she replied.

“HA, you wish,” he said. They approached the club and showed some ID as they entered. The Biohazard was bangin’, bright laser lights of the colors red, green, and blue flashed around. The music was popin’ and the base was insane. Some people were dancing while others sat over at the bar table to have a couple of drinks before getting back on the dance floor.

Zac disappeared as Angela went down the small flight of stairs, looking for that girl she saw in her tub. She stepped down and eased her way on the dance floor, getting attention from the fellas. Angela had to admit, she did like the attention as they tried to holla at her.

She had to let them down easy as she made it to the bar table. She continued to look around, unable to find her through the huge hyperactive crowed. She placed her hand in her face asking herself what she is doing here. Just then, Angela heard a glass slammed down right next to her and looked to find that it was a glass with diet coke in it. She quickly started to look around, finally spotting her.

The girl had a very short cut spiked black hair with the tips being green, hazel eyes, tight black top with blood writing, dark pants and shoes. Angela turned and asked the bartender who was that girl and he replied by saying, “Jenna Sanchez.” Angela worked her way back onto the dance floor, trying to get close to that girl.

The club was jumpin’ as Angela notice the girl was working the dance floor. A random guy turned in Angela’s direction and started to dance with her and she danced back, trying to bring out her party side. The music which songs as Angela turned, noticing the girl was standing right in front of her. The club started to play “Too Grown For That” by Tamia.

Jenna started to move her hands around to the beat as Angela reacted to her dancing vibe by moving her hips to the beat. Jenna dropped it like it’s hot and slowly came back up like a snake. Angela did the pop move, which caused her to contract and relax her muscles to create a jerk in her body.

Both girls started to feel the rhythm and danced together as Jenna grabbed Angela’s hand and lifted it in the air. The guy got way too happy and wrapped his hands around Angela’s chest which caused her to push him away.

She turned back to see Jenna gone, looking around for signs of her. Angela caught her exiting out the back way and followed, passing her lame brother who was dancing with two chicks.

[Nocis Deae]

darktrue said:

Episode 3: Leonn'e

Angela walked home as dark clouds covered the sun. She was all soaked and wet covered in blood from two scary dog things. She began to hear the echoing of footsteps again and just couldn’t take it anymore. She turned around with such force screaming out, “SHOW YOUR SELF DAMMED! STOP FOLLOWING ME!” Angela became pissed of the fact she received no answer, so out of rage she waved one hand causing trashcans and papers to fall down and blow all over the place. She waved her other hand moving the trash around like it was nothing. Hands came together making a clap noise as a guy stepped out of the shadows clapping saying, “Very impressive young one.”

“And who the hell is you?” asked Angela, keeping her guard up.

“I’m a simple person who has been searching for a very long time for you,” he said.

“Okay, that sounded so perverted in so many levels you cannot comprehend right now,” she snapped.

“Let me start over. I’m Mik'ky’ella Leonn'e…but you may call me Leon. I am a Guideian, not to be confused with guardian…”

“I’m sorry, I must have left my book of who’s whom…what’s a guideian? Is that even a word?”

“My, you are the sarcastic one aren’t you? A guideian helps guide gifted beings and help them learn the power of the Craft,” he explained.

“The Craft?”

“Angela—you are a witch.”

“Alright then. Well nice meeting you, unlike you I’m talking to a stranger and covered in blood so laters,” she said and turned around only to find Leon somehow standing right in front of her.

“How…how did you—”

“Magic,” he answered. “Angela Summers, you have the ability to move objects with your hands, which is because you have Wiccan blood flowing in you just like the others.”

“Others…wait, they’re people out there like me?” she asked feeling not alone anymore.

“Oh yes…three of them to be exact. You however, posses the power to create and summon water the element itself. That is why I came to you in person. I need to explain more of you guys destiny when all four of you are together” Angela turned around again only to see Leon standing in front. “You must help me find them.”

“Sorry dude, but I don’t believe it and if I don’t believe it then I don’t believe you,” said Angela. He looked at her with calm warm eyes and whispered in her ear that caused an echo, “You will soon believe for remember these words young one—A.T.R.I…” As the echo faded she blinked and saw that he was gone. She pushed back her hair remembering the blood and headed home, passing a familiar shadow with a hat covering the face.


Episode 4: Going Under

Angela crept inside her house seeing no one in sight while going upstairs straight for her bathroom. She turned the bathwater on and began to undress. She shut the water off and tested it first before stepping in. Angela eased herself into the warm water as it melted all her fears and the blood away. She became relaxed as her muscles tensed less and less. She started to think of what Leonne or Leon said not too long ago. Angela felt happy knowing that she wasn’t the only person with an unexplained ability out there, but couldn’t bypass the fact that it’s because she’s a witch. Black cat holding, pointy hat wearing, spell casting, broom riding witch. Still in thought, she started to wash the blood completely off of her, lifting her right leg up out of the water as the liquid came running down it. Her leg went back down as the water started to turn red. Angela’s thoughts started to become jumbled as her body was too relaxed in the water. Her eyes felt heavy unable to stay awake to find the strength to get out of the bloody water. She rested her head back which caused her to close her eyes. The water itself started to pull Angela under, drowning her. Angela was going under when she finally realized that she was underwater and started to panic, splashing water all around. Angela couldn’t get herself to lift her head up for air. She started to gasp, inhaling water, passing out. She floated there, dead and lifeless until her eyes fluttered open.

Ok, well I read through this chapter. I saw a lot of problem areas. There are tons of words in here that you could cut out. More is not better. You have some trouble with punctuation as well. I didn't really find the dialogue believable. Another thing I didn't like is that your chapters are very short. It's like saying "hi...goodbye". If you want a line by line crit, you can email me your stuff and I'll do it there.

[Darktrue]

nocisdea said:

darktrue said:

Episode 3: Leonn'e

Angela walked home as dark clouds covered the sun. She was all soaked and wet covered in blood from two scary dog things. She began to hear the echoing of footsteps again and just couldn’t take it anymore. She turned around with such force screaming out, “SHOW YOUR SELF DAMMED! STOP FOLLOWING ME!” Angela became pissed of the fact she received no answer, so out of rage she waved one hand causing trashcans and papers to fall down and blow all over the place. She waved her other hand moving the trash around like it was nothing. Hands came together making a clap noise as a guy stepped out of the shadows clapping saying, “Very impressive young one.”

“And who the hell is you?” asked Angela, keeping her guard up.

“I’m a simple person who has been searching for a very long time for you,” he said.

“Okay, that sounded so perverted in so many levels you cannot comprehend right now,” she snapped.

“Let me start over. I’m Mik'ky’ella Leonn'e…but you may call me Leon. I am a Guideian, not to be confused with guardian…”

“I’m sorry, I must have left my book of who’s whom…what’s a guideian? Is that even a word?”

“My, you are the sarcastic one aren’t you? A guideian helps guide gifted beings and help them learn the power of the Craft,” he explained.

“The Craft?”

“Angela—you are a witch.”

“Alright then. Well nice meeting you, unlike you I’m talking to a stranger and covered in blood so laters,” she said and turned around only to find Leon somehow standing right in front of her.

“How…how did you—”

“Magic,” he answered. “Angela Summers, you have the ability to move objects with your hands, which is because you have Wiccan blood flowing in you just like the others.”

“Others…wait, they’re people out there like me?” she asked feeling not alone anymore.

“Oh yes…three of them to be exact. You however, posses the power to create and summon water the element itself. That is why I came to you in person. I need to explain more of you guys destiny when all four of you are together” Angela turned around again only to see Leon standing in front. “You must help me find them.”

“Sorry dude, but I don’t believe it and if I don’t believe it then I don’t believe you,” said Angela. He looked at her with calm warm eyes and whispered in her ear that caused an echo, “You will soon believe for remember these words young one—A.T.R.I…” As the echo faded she blinked and saw that he was gone. She pushed back her hair remembering the blood and headed home, passing a familiar shadow with a hat covering the face.


Episode 4: Going Under

Angela crept inside her house seeing no one in sight while going upstairs straight for her bathroom. She turned the bathwater on and began to undress. She shut the water off and tested it first before stepping in. Angela eased herself into the warm water as it melted all her fears and the blood away. She became relaxed as her muscles tensed less and less. She started to think of what Leonne or Leon said not too long ago. Angela felt happy knowing that she wasn’t the only person with an unexplained ability out there, but couldn’t bypass the fact that it’s because she’s a witch. Black cat holding, pointy hat wearing, spell casting, broom riding witch. Still in thought, she started to wash the blood completely off of her, lifting her right leg up out of the water as the liquid came running down it. Her leg went back down as the water started to turn red. Angela’s thoughts started to become jumbled as her body was too relaxed in the water. Her eyes felt heavy unable to stay awake to find the strength to get out of the bloody water. She rested her head back which caused her to close her eyes. The water itself started to pull Angela under, drowning her. Angela was going under when she finally realized that she was underwater and started to panic, splashing water all around. Angela couldn’t get herself to lift her head up for air. She started to gasp, inhaling water, passing out. She floated there, dead and lifeless until her eyes fluttered open.

Ok, well I read through this chapter. I saw a lot of problem areas. There are tons of words in here that you could cut out. More is not better. You have some trouble with punctuation as well. I didn't really find the dialogue believable. Another thing I didn't like is that your chapters are very short. It's like saying "hi...goodbye". If you want a line by line crit, you can email me your stuff and I'll do it there.

Yeah see I do my chapters differently then some people. I really really hate long posts so I do it by scene and when that scene ends no matter how short it is, that ends the chapter. So that's me reason for the shortness. And another thing I really need examples...because what I see is right and what you see maybe a mistake. What to you made it not believeable. And you sure you really want to do a "line by line crit" because that's 5 full stories you're talking about.

[Nocis Deae]

I may not do it for all five stories, but I don't mind helping. When I do crits, I'm very harsh. However, I'm only harsh so I can give others complete, honest, and hopefully helpful, feedback. When it comes to writing, you have to have really thick skin I've learned.